Preacher and Christian comedian Grady Nutt has left a wealth of lighter moments in ministry. Though he now rests in the presence of the Father, his true stories, still bring a smile and help us not to take ourselves to seriously. I can't tell them like Grady could, but I hope you enjoy the following one.
Grady told a number of stories about a school age friend of his he simply referred to as "C. D." According to Grady, C.D was ordained by the Baptist Church at age 13. He noted that the Baptists will ordain anything with a pulse. C. D. was extremely popular with his classmates since he was authorized to perform weddings.
Early in his ministerial service, C. D. was called to the home of a woman whose husband had just died. With some fear and trepidation he went to the home for his initiation into this heart-rending aspect of pastoral care. The home was overflowing with people. After brief introductions, he called the grieving widow aside to visit with her privately. As they looked for a quiet place, they discovered the only room not taken was the bathroom.
The choice made, they entered the room and closed the door. C. D. noted that the young widow took a seat on the edge of the bathtub and that just left one another place for him to sit. They visited for a few minutes and then C. D. prayed for God's comforting presence for the family.
As they rose to leave, the woman opened the door and out of habit, C. D. flushed the toilet and they rejoined the group: faces reddened but hearts lighter!
The day of the funeral was rainy and C. D. had been asked to do the graveside service. He arrived at the cemetery and positioned himself under the awning near the casket where he awaited the family with a solemn countenance. As he stood there on the green artificial ground cover, he noted that many of the assembly were having to stand in the rain. He was at least thankful to be dry!
After his brief remarks, he invited the crowd to bow their heads and join him in saying the Lord's Prayer. Dutifully they obeyed and C. D. began praying, "Our Father ..." but then there was silence. Baptists can't handle more than two or three seconds of silence and when C. D. did not continue it was too much too bear.
Shortly, the silence was interrupted by the scream of the grieving widow who had looked up to see C. D's head under sticking out of the grave. The wet wall had collapsed under his weight and, as he fell into the hole the turf had covered his head. The widow fainted and C. D. claimed he didn't remember anything after that.
If you think you are called to the ministry, remember there are hazards!
Dr. Carey Looney was a dear friend of mine and I treasure the continuing fellowship of his family. He told the story of a friend who was called upon to preach at the funeral in a Church of Christ building. The time for the service had arrived, the crowd had assembled and the family had been seated.
The vocal group had completed its opening selections and he rose to begin his remarks concerning the memory of the dear one and the grief they all shared. Meanwhile, a florist arrived late with a spray of flowers. One of the deacon's directed her around to the back where she could enter the auditorium through a side door at the front and place the flowers with a minimum of distraction.
The florist was a rather large woman and had difficulty with managing the spray in front of her and the doors and turns she had to make. As the minister continued his eulogy, there was a huge crash and a splash as the florist, flowers and all fell into the baptistry behind him!
The entire assembly, family and all burst into riotous laughter and it was a full ten minutes before anyone could gain their composure. The minister tried several times to look at the crowd and continue, but it was impossible. He completed the eulogy looking at the pulpit knowing that if he looked up and saw even a hint of a smile he would loose it.
Moral: when you conduct a funeral in a Church of Christ, remember they take baptism seriously and their facilities are always ready!